


Alight Horizon

by barbex



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Family, Shenko - Freeform, Unknown Child, unknown pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-07 15:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5462450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/pseuds/barbex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan and his daughter meet Shepard. How can she not see that his daughter looks just like her?</p><p>Rating raised for smut in the last chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _There was a tumblr prompt for shenkoappreciationweek2015: **We Are Family.**_
> 
> And this happened. (It's all vorchagirl's fault! Oh and sorry, there is no sex at first. I _know_! How did that even happen?)

* * *

* * *

 

Kaidan pressed a little kiss on the young girl's forehead, "I'll be right back, you wait here okay?"

The girl nodded, an earnest frown between her brows. "I wait here, just here."

"That's right," Kaidan said, "I won't be long." He nodded towards the young woman manning the desk who had agreed to watch over his daughter. She smiled and handed the girl a few pens and paper.

He turned towards the hallway, looking for Admiral Anderson and the smile fell from his face. Something had happened. He could hear it in the clipped orders, hissed into omni-tools, see it in the brisk walks of officials, who were much too highly decorated to walk so fast through the hallways of the Alliance headquarters. He had been called here for a meeting just as he had been in a neighboring park with his daughter and then suddenly everyone went into high alert.

He searched the crowds for a familiar face. He finally saw the dark and stressed face of Anderson and began shouldering his way through the crowd. But then he froze. She was with him. Shepard.

He had not seen her since that day on Horizon. Even though she had been incarnated right here in Vancouver for the last six months, he had not been able to see her. He had asked for a meeting every day he had been on Earth but all he ever heard was a vague promise by Anderson to see what he can do.

And now she walked right towards him, strong, tall, her hair now black instead of red. She was flanked by Anderson and a young Marine with almost comically muscled arms. He looked vaguely familiar but Kaidan only had eyes for her. Shepard. She looked different and still the same way. A slim frame with strong shoulders, long legs that he remembered wrapped around him.

He shook himself out of the memory. So long ago and still so vivid in his mind, that one night before they had landed on Ilos.

"Anderson," he called over, trying to get his attention.

The admiral nodded at him and Shepard raised her eyes to him, apparently noticing him for the first time.

"Shepard," he said.

She hesitated for a moment before she said, "Kaidan." Something strange passed over her face.

"How is it going in there?" asked Anderson.

"I can never tell, I'm just waiting for orders," he said, his eyes straining back to Shepard.

Someone called from the door and the admiral ushered Shepard into the main conference hall.

"Anderson!" he called after them.

Anderson looked over his shoulder, still walking, "Not now, son."

The door closed behind them and he felt lost. Finally he could see her and again he didn't get the chance to talk to her.

"You know the Commander?" the young, beefy Marine asked him.

"I used to," he sighed.

He left the marine standing and went back to his daughter. He had to bring her somewhere safe, the atmosphere in this building felt more dangerous by the minute.

"Look, Daddy, I drew you with your friend," his daughter said as he picked her up. The picture showed a man with blue glowing hands and a woman with red hair. She had always like that picture, the one he had kept of Shepard and him in front of the first Normandy. She always wanted to know who the pretty woman was and he always promised her to tell her when she was older. He knew that that promise would not hold her over much longer.

"Let's go home, little butterfly," he said and set her on his hip. He had to be careful not to scratch her with his armor.

And then all hell broke loose.

The Reapers were attacking Earth, just like Shepard had predicted. He wanted to grab the next best Brass by their collar and yell at them that Shepard had warned them about this for years but there was no time for that. He ran out into the street and froze.

"Daddy? What are those?" his girl asked, staring at the giant crap like machines descending from the sky. A deafening drone sounded out as a red beam cut through buildings like a sword through vegetables. He watched in horror as a red beam hit the top of the very building they were standing in front of and he just ran.

His ran as fast as he could to the Normandy's dock, pressing his daughter to his chest. "Close your eyes, close your eyes," he mumbled. She was quietly sobbing, shaking in fear. Behind him, whole buildings just exploded, debris crashing down all around him. He kept a biotic barrier up to protect them and prayed that he could avoid the larger pieces that would crush them regardless of his barrier.

Somehow they made it on board the Normandy unharmed and for once he was grateful that Joker never left the pilot seat. The view from flight was devastating, the city, _his_ city, was in ruins. It was a miracle that they even found Anderson and Shepard.

Anderson stayed behind, despite their protests and as the Normandy rose up into the atmosphere, Shepard actually looked at him for the first time. For a moment he forgot his anger. For a moment he was back on board of the first Normandy, his hands sweaty, his biotics prickling under his skin. And then she welcomed him on board, her smile taking his breath away. He didn't know it back then but in that moment he had lost his heart forever to her.

"Hey, Kaidan, care to introduce us?"

He looked at her dumfounded for a moment until he realized that she was looking at the little girl clinging to his hand. "Of course, Amanda, this is Commander Jane Shepard. Shepard, this is Amanda Grace Alenko."

Shepard stared at him until she had to breathe in again. "Your daughter?" She knelt down to look closer at Amanda. "Yes, I see it." She held out her hand and Amanda took it with a careful smile. "You have your father's eyes."

_No, she has your eyes,_ Kaidan wanted to yell but he kept quiet.

Shepard rose up again but she didn't look at him. "This ship is as safe as any other place right now, so I suggest you find yourself one of the officer quarters to stay in." She bent down towards Amanda again. "But you have to promise that you always stay in the room when your dad tells you to, alright?"

"Yes, Commander Shepard," Amanda said, looking very seriously.

"Call me Jane, Amanda," Shepard said and turned away with a smile. "Your Daddy outranks me anyway."

* * *

He had dreamed about meeting her so many times, he had imagined how he would confront her with the daughter she had abandoned but none of that happened. He could never catch her alone and he just couldn't get a handle on her behavior. How could she look at Amanda, talk to her and not see who she was?

And now he found himself on Mars, fighting Shepard's old cohorts from Cerberus and she did not understand why he had to question her involvement. Just over six month ago she had worn those very same colors. She had worked with them, was it so far fetched that she could know something about them?

When he looked under the helmet of one of the soldiers to get access to the communications system, he was shocked to see that he was changed. "My god, he's a husk." And without thinking he blurted out, "Is that what they did to you?"

The pain in her eyes was unbearable to look at.

"How can you compare me to him?" she called out, her voice unusually high.

Did she really not know how all of this looked? "Shepard, how can I know what you are or who you are? Cerberus rebuilt you, you could be a puppet of the Illusive Man himself!"

"Kaidan..."

"Don't..."

Shepard sighed, "Words won't do anyway, there's nothing I can say that would convince you."

"Probably not," Kaidan had to admit. "I just want to know if the person that I followed through hell and back," he tried to look at her eyes and his voice caught in his throat, "the person that I loved, is still in there?"

For a moment he feared that she wouldn't even answer him. But then she placed a hand on his shoulder. "They didn't change me, not in here," she placed her hand over her heart. "Please believe me."

"I'm trying," he said, painfully aware of how close she was. "When this mission is over, we need to talk."

"About us?" Shepard still had her hand on his shoulder, looking at him as if she was trying to decipher his thoughts.

"And about Amanda."

Confusion passed over her face and she slowly let her hand drop from his shoulder. "Yes, Amanda, of course."

_Did she truly not know? How could she not know?_

* * *

They didn't get around to talk. He woke up in a hospital bed, omni-sensors glowing all around him and all he remembered was fire and a metallic voice asking to take his life. Judging by the expressions on the nurse's face and the very serious and long words used by the doctor, there had been a high chance that he never would have talked again at all. To Shepard or anybody else.

He was surprised to hear that he had missed over two weeks in an artificial coma to heal his burns. He didn't feel too bad now but he was aware that this was only thanks to the pain medication constantly feeding into his bloodstream. His skin felt numb and only mildly discomforted by the blankets rustling against burned skin and newly grown skin cells.

_Right -- fire, so much fire._

"Major Alenko? There's someone here to see you," the nurse said and stepped to the side to let a whirlwind of a girl of about three years rush into the room. The nurse had to stop her or she would have jumped up on the bed and probably taken off half his new skin along the way.

"Careful, little butterfly," he said to her, leaning over to let her hug him.

"Daddy! Are you okay now?"

"Not quite, but I am better now."

"Okay." She fidgeted a bit and looked at all the medical equipment with big, scared eyes.

"Hey, Amanda," he said, taking her hand and pulling her closer to the bed. "I know you were scared, I was too, that's okay."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she hugged him again and cried into his shoulder. Kaidan stroked her back, letting his own tears fall along with hers. After a long time, she pulled back and gave him a weak smile.

"I drew you a new picture. Of you and your friend who doesn't have red hair anymore." She wiped her nose on her sleeve. He was about to scold her for it but when he saw the many streaks of glittering and crusted snot he decided against it. There was a time and place for etiquette and being worried and crying over your dad was not one of it.

"Can I see it?" he asked, brushing a few strands of dark hair from her face.

"I gave it to her, you have to ask her."

"Oh, she visited you?"

"Uhumm," Amanda nodded and wiped more snot into her sleeve.

Kaidan couldn't take it anymore. "There's paper towels over there, could you please use one to clean your nose?"

"Sorry..." she said, taking a pile of paper towels to loudly blow her nose in them. "Oh, there she is!" she exclaimed, her voice muffled from paper towels.

The door slid to the side and Shepard stepped in, her armor black with a red and white N7 stripe down her arm and shoulder. She had always been so proud of making N7. To see her like this again, her armor resembling that old N7 armor, painfully reminded him of the time when he met her first. Everything had changed back then. He had learned what love was and how much it hurt.

Shepard hovered at the door, smiling at Amanda for a moment before looking at him. Her smile slowly faded and he knew in that instance that she blamed herself for his injuries. He turned to his daughter, "Could you wait outside for a bit? I need to talk to Shepard alone."

"Her name is Jane, Daddy," Amanda said, shaking her head at his blatant stupidity.

"Of course, you're right. Please stay in front of the glass there so that I can see you, okay?"

Shepard cleared her throat. "Private Westmore will watch her, don't worry." She nodded towards a young woman in Alliance BDU's and smiled at Amanda. "Private Westmore wanted to get herself some cake, would you like some too?"

"Oh yes, I love cake!" Amanda happily skipped outside, waving once more to him. "I'll be right back, Daddy!"

The door closed behind her and an awkward silence spread out in the room. Shepard stepped a bit closer, looking at the floor. "I can't believe you have a daughter," she said, "she looks just like you."

Kaidan raised himself up on his elbows. "Don't you see it, Shepard? She looks just like you!"

"Don't be silly, how could she look like me?"

"You are her mother! How can you not know that?"

If he had had any doubts if Shepard knew about her daughter, they disappeared when he saw her face now. She stared at him as if he had grown three heads on the spot. She even began laughing.

"Don't be ridiculous, I haven't been pregnant for a single day in my life."

She was absolutely serious, he could see it in her eyes. He fell back on the bed, rubbing his temples to keep the looming headache at bay. "Well, you must have been at some point because Amanda is your daughter, there is DNA proof."

Her face turned white. "How.. how even...?"

"She was literally left on Anderson's doorstep in a protected transport box, locked to Anderson's fingerprints. She was just maybe two weeks old at that point, healthy and well cared for. The doctors assume that she had grown to term in an uterine replicator."

"But... what made him think that she..."

"There was a note that said 'Shepard's child' and a simple DNA test proved it." Kaidan grinned to himself. "And because Anderson knows fucking everything, he had her tested against my DNA too."

He looked at Shepard, gauzing her reaction. She was white as a sheet and swaying a bit. He grabbed her hand to stop her from falling over. "Hey, hey, Jane, come on, sit down for a bit." He could feel her hand tremble as she pulled a chair closer and sat down.

She looked up to him. "Ilos."

"Yes, the night before Ilos."

"But, my implant..."

"Maybe the beacon fried it."

"I was pregnant when... Alchera... oh god, how could she have survived that?"

"She is a survivor for sure." Her hand felt cold in his and she had not stopped trembling. "They must have found her when they... rebuilt you."

Shepard seemed to come back to her rational self now and shook her head. "No, Miranda would have told me."

"Miranda Lawson, who rebuilt you? She's Cerberus, you can't trust her."

"I know," Shepard said, color slowly returning to her cheeks. "But this -- she would have told me, I'm sure of it. It must have been a different department, maybe they were just looking for cells and fertile eggs at first before Miranda took over."

"And then they suddenly had a fetus growing and went from there, you think?"

"Possibly. I wonder who it was who suddenly found their conscience and got her out of there?" She looked through the glass wall out to where Amanda and Private Westmoore had returned with pieces of cake on small plates. They sat down to eat and Shepard stared at the small girl with tears in her eyes. "I have a daughter."

She turned to him, tears running down her cheeks. "We have a daughter and I didn't even know!"

Kaidan raised his hand despite his shoulder protesting but hesitated to wipe a tear from her face. "When I saw you on Horizon, I thought you had been alive the whole time and that you had left her on Anderson's doorstep, abandoned her."

"No wonder you were so angry."

"You were alive and you never even asked about your daughter."

"I didn't know she existed!"

"I know, I know now." Kaidan laid back, pinching his nose. "And then I wrote you that message, how I didn't need you."

Shepard was so quiet that he had to look if she was even still breathing. She looked over to Amanda. "The doctor, is she raising Amanda with you now?"

Kaidan had to laugh. "The doctor went out with me and afterwards handed me a card of a friend of hers, a psychiatrist. She said that I had a serious case of hero worship and untreated grief. No, Amanda lives with my parents and I live there too whenever the Alliance doesn't send me on missions. My parents love her to bits and probably spoil her rotten when I'm not around."

"Do they have a garden?" Shepard asked quietly.

"Not just a garden, there is a forest right behind our backyard and a river where we go fishing sometimes."

"A garden and a forest," Shepard breathed out. He was suddenly reminded that she used to be a farmer's child on Mindoir, living with nature all around. She had always loved gardens, in the short time they had had together after the battle of the Citadel, they had spend most of their free time in the park, helping in clean up and taking care of the flowers.

"She loves flowers," he said, taking in her face and how she looked at his little girl.

_Their_ little girl.

He leaned over and this time he touched her cheek, wiping the tears away. She stilled, staring at him with wide eyes and he almost wanted to apologize. But then she leaned into his touch, still looking at him. They both froze, waiting for something to happen.

He leaned closer and for a moment he thought she would pull back but then she leaned closer and her breath touched his lips. But before he could feel her lips on his, he heard her sigh.

"Kaidan," she whispered, her breath mingling with his. "I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't want to kiss you just because you are familiar, because I still remember what you feel like."

"You still remember?" His nose touched hers.

"I may have been thinking about you -- sometimes," she whispered, her upper lip almost brushing over his own.

"I may have been thinking about you a lot -- sometimes," he mumbled into her mouth, leaning a fraction closer so that his lips finally touched hers.

"But we don't really know each other anymore," she said, every word a soft brush of her lips.

"Maybe we could get to know each other again," he said and pulled back to look into her eyes. "Hi, my name is Kaidan Alenko, nice to meet you."

She smiled at him. "Hi, my name is Jane Shepard and I would like to know..."

"What would you like to know?"

She raised her hand and brushed her thumb over his eyebrow. "I would like to know if I could convince you to kiss a stranger. She may be half artificial --"

"-- but I still know her," Kaidan said and crushed his lips against hers.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year 2016!
> 
> There have been wishes for a continuation of this fic. Your wishes are my command so here you have it.  
> I hope it works, I ran into a bit of a wall in the end.  
> There's still no sex, unbelievable! I'm risking my reputation here!

* * *

The Skycar settled in front of his and his parents house with a shudder as Shepard turned off the engine. The lack of the quiet hum suddenly made the car too quiet. Kaidan discreetly wiped his suddenly sweaty hands on his pants. This evening had not quite gone like he had planned. He had not planned to introduce Shepard to his parents on their second date.

Their first date had been a casual meeting over coffee with a quick kiss for goodbye. This second date they wanted to go out for dinner after having watched a show on the Presidium. The show had been alright but afterwards Shepard said that she didn't feel like sitting in a restaurant and asked him to show her where he and Amanda lived. He suspected that she actually wanted to meet Amanda again.

Only now, watching the lights shine in the windows did he realize that Shepard would meet his parents. And they hadn't even spoken about what status their relationship had.

"It's a beautiful house," Shepard said, turning to him. "The yellow paint looks nice."

Luckily, the Reaper attack had not hit them this far out of the city and if it weren't for the tent village and military guards further down the road, you wouldn't even know that Earth was under attack.

"Dad just finished painting it. I think it is his way of showing defiance, of telling the world that he isn't going to give up his house to the Reapers."

"That is actually kind of brave."

Kaidan laughed out. "Stubborn you mean."

"Maybe," Shepard chuckled, "I wouldn't be surprised, knowing his son."

"Who, me?" Kaidan asked with mock surprise. He grinned as he opened the car's door, his shoulders finally untensing. 

He led her to the front door, interlinking his arm with hers as if they had always done that. Which wasn't true. His omni-tool lit up with the key-pass and a near silent bell announced their entry as the door slid open and closed behind them. They stood in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs up to his apartment and he didn't know what to do.

"Kaidan?" Shepard asked and he felt her hand on his hand on her arm. "Kaidan, I may have a skin weave but that kind of hurts."

"Oh, what?" he startled and stared in horror at his fingers digging into the flesh of the crook of her elbow. He pulled his hand away as if he burned himself on a hot stove.

"Relax, Kaidan," Shepard said with her voice deep and soothing. 

Kaidan raked through his hair. "Sorry, I'm... I don't know... Anyway," he pointed up the stairs. "Amanda and I live upstairs. But I'm pretty sure if I don't introduce you to my parents first, my mother is going to chase me through the backyard with a tranchier knife."

Shepard snickered at that and looked around. "So your parents live downstairs?"

"Yes, the house has a complete apartment on each level. Amanda and I live upstairs but when I'm not home, Amanda often sleeps down here in my parents' bedroom. She gets scared sometimes." He took her arm again, gentler this time and led her through the hallway to the living room door.

Before he could knock, the door opened in front of them and his mother was beaming at him. Of course she had heard them and probably had watched them come in on vid-feed. 

"Kaidan, you're right on time, we were just done eating." She pointedly looked at Shepard and when he wasn't quick enough to speak, she pushed past him and took her hand in hers. "You must be Commander Shepard, Kaidan has told us so much about you."

She made a pause to give Shepard some room to answer and Kaidan knew that it was killing her inside. She had been asking him questions about Shepard almost every waking moment since he had told her of her visit in the hospital and about who she was. There had not been a single day where she had not asked him when they would tell Amanda that Shepard was her mother. Yet another question that he and Shepard had not yet addressed.

"Madame Alenko, it's very nice to meet you." Shepard took his mother's hand and leaned down a little to come at her eye level. It looked a bit like she was bowing to her.

"Cut it out with that Madame nonsense, my name is Greta. Come on in, come on in," she took Shepard's arm and dragged her through the living room towards the kitchen, calling into the Vid-room on the way, "Marcus, Amanda, come here, we have a visitor, it's Commander Shepard."

"Please, Madame, my name is Jane and..."

"Now what did I say about calling me Madame?"

Before Jane could answer, Amanda stormed into the room and threw herself at her. "Jane! How are you? I drew another picture, you wanna see?"

"Yes, sure, I ... ."

Amanda grabbed her hand and ran back towards the hallway. "It's up in my room, come on, you haven't seen my room, I have to show you … ," she prattled on as Shepard struggled to keep up and followed the girl with a helpless shrug. 

"Have you eaten yet?" Greta Alenko asked, already on her way to the kitchen to prepare something out of the limited resources they had in the house. 

"No, but we don't need … ," Kaidan started saying but gave up on it. As if his mother would listen to him about not cooking for him and Shepard.

"Good, we have plenty of leftovers, let me just warm this up real quick." 

He left Greta to her magic and went upstairs to rescue Shepard from possible death by an overenthusiastic three year old. He could hear his daughter, _their daughter_ , chatter away as he walked up the stairs. He quickly approached her room where he found Shepard's boots standing next to the door. Shepard was lying on her stomach, her long legs stretched out behind her and her feet tugged under Amanda's bed. She drew a picture on a large piece of synth-paper while Amanda was handing her pens with new colors, announcing which she liked best. 

Kaidan carefully stalked through the room to sit on the bed, he had taken off his boots downstairs and there was always some stray piece of Lego on the floor. 

"Hi Daddy!" Amanda called to him and climbed in his lap to give him a kiss on his cheek. "Jane is drawing me a picture of the Normandy." 

Kaidan leaned forward to take a look at the picture. It was indeed the Normandy, broad sweeping lines in a beautiful curve, the engines lit up and glowing with blue mass effect fields. He watched them, the girl and the woman he loved. 

_This could be us forever. This could be our life every day. We could live here, be a family. My parents would watch Amanda while we work and we would come back here, eat dinner together, kiss our daughter good night..._

_You're moving way too fast Alenko._

He raked through his hair, almost shaking himself. He was running towards a dream he had had for years at full speed and he didn't even know if Jane felt the same. He had to slow down. It was still possible that their relationship didn't work out.

"My mother is making us food," he said to Shepard when she looked up at him.

"Oh good, I admit, I'm a bit hungry," Shepard said and pulled her knees under herself. She pushed the paper towards Amanda. "Can you fill those lines with blue so that it goes all the way from back to front?"

"Yes, I can do that. Look Daddy, it really looks like the Normandy!" She held up the paper.

"Yes it does," Kaidan said. "I didn't know you could draw like that."

"I don't have much time to do it anymore but I used to sketch a lot when I was younger. I like technical drawings but I suck at portraits." She sat back on her haunches and watched Amanda coloring her line work. He had never seen her smile like that.

He got up and held out his hand to her. "We should go downstairs to eat something." He turned to Amanda. "I'll tuck you in when you go to bed, okay?"

"Okay Daddy," she said absentmindedly, concentrating on keeping the colors in the lines. Suddenly she looked up. "Can Jane tuck me in too?"

Kaidan hesitated for a moment. "Maybe, we'll see little butterfly."

"Okay," Amanda said. 

Shepard grabbed her boots and held them in her hands. She watched him, almost like a predator. He took a step closer to her, away from the open door to Amanda's room. Somehow it felt wrong to kiss Shepard while his daughter could watch them. His lips found hers, gently, soft and warm. He cherished her taste, even the remnants of the coffee she had on their way here.

She sighed against his mouth as she broke the kiss. "You know, I could stay here tonight, with you." 

Some part of him desperately wanted to say yes. To have her stay, stay with him and Amanda, live like a family, share a bed and bad morning breath. But that was crazy. Even though he felt like he knew Shepard better than himself, how could he be sure that she was still the person he had dreamed about for years? How could he be sure that she felt as seriously as him?

"I … ," he looked at his feet, afraid of the reaction he could see on her face, "I'm not sure, it may be a bit early for that."

He looked up and her face was closed to him, unreadable. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice too rough, too calm.

"I don't want Amanda to get too attached if … ."

"If I die?"

"No!" Kaidan stared at her in shock. That was the last thing he wanted to think about, how the Reaper War could kill her any day. "No, I'm just trying to be rational, we are just getting to know each other again and what if... if it doesn't work out?"

Shepard didn't react. She was so still that he wondered if she even breathed. Finally she took a breath and it made her face look even harder. Kaidan wanted to kick himself for hurting her like that, he may have been rational but he also had been an ass. "I'm sorry, Shepard, I didn't mean to..."

"No, you're right, we hardly know each other," she said and turned to go downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, she pulled on her boots. 

"Please don't leave," Kaidan whispered, knowing that it was fruitless.

"Tell Amanda I'm sorry that I had to go," she said, walking to the door without looking back. She didn't say another word and the front door closed behind her with the quiet sound from the bell.

His legs refused to carry him any longer, he sank down on the first step and buried his head in his hands. Little steps approached him from behind.

"Did Jane leave?"

Kaidan swallowed his emotions down and forced a smile on his face to look at Amanda. "Yes, she had to leave, she told me to tell you that she's sorry."

"Was she sad?" Amanda asked, her brows pulled together in serious thought. 

Kaidan sighed and looked back towards the door as if it would open and bring Shepard back to him. "Yes, she was sad and it was my fault."

"Daddy!" Amanda called out and pushed against his shoulder. "Then you have to say that you're sorry."

"It's a bit complicated little butterfly."

"But you have to!" she said again, full of righteous anger. "Grandma!" She ran down the stairs and he heard the door to the kitchen open. A groan escaped him. He heard Amanda breathlessly talk, her voice so absolutely sure of what was right and what was wrong. He walked down the stairs and towards the kitchen, bracing himself for the impending attack. 

"Kaidan Alenko, what have you done?" His mother stepped in front of him, imposing despite her size, a spoon in her hand raised like a club. 

Kaidan couldn't help but flinch. "I thought I was sensible, this is just our real second date, I mean," he pulled at his hair, biotics prickling like static electricity over his scalp, "I have to be rational, I have to think about Amanda too, what if Jane is not … ."

"Not what?" Greta Alenko asked with the best interrogator voice one could ask for in this part of the galaxy. 

He opened his mouth to answer but his mother's raised finger stopped him. She turned to his daughter. "Honey, go upstairs and get ready for bed, I'll be right with you."

Amanda pouted. "But … ."

"Amanda, please," Kaidan said and somehow his tired voice convinced the child to skip the usual complaints about having to brush her teeth. She got up and walked out of the kitchen and loudly stomped up the stairs.

Greta Alenko turned back to Kaidan and he couldn't remember her ever looking so angry. "Now, that woman, the one you were always talking about, the one you cried about, that you longed for for years, she isn't what?"

"Not the One? God, this sounds so stupid," he said, letting himself fall on a kitchen chair.

"Probably because it is," Greta said and sat down on the other side of the table. "Now listen to me, son. You have lost her before and by some cosmic shenanigans you got her back and you have never been more happy and now what? Do you think you will find someone better?"

"God, no!" There was noone in this entire galaxy who could be better than her. 

Greta took his hand. "Darling, the life you dream about will not just happen. You have to make the choices and take the risks. You know that."

Kaidan nodded, his decision already made. "Could you put Amanda to bed? I promised her to tuck her in but … ."

"I'm sure we can make room in our busy social schedule," Greta said with a laugh. "Marcus?"

"Yes, my dear?" Marcus Alenko came around the corner, his eyes still on the datapad in his hands. 

"Kaidan has to go, could you prepare Amanda's bed please?"

"Of course," Marcus said and put the datapad on a shelf. He grabbed a cookie from the plate on the table before going into the hallway. "Is he going after Jane Shepard now?" he asked from the hallway as if Kaidan could not hear him.

"Yes he is," Greta said, a grin tugging at her lips.

"About fucking time," Marcus grumbled.

"Dad!" Kaidan shook his head. "Alright, I'm going, I'm going." 

He quickly climbed up the stairs and caught Amanda in the bathroom making faces to her reflection while balancing on one leg on her stool. "Weren't you supposed to brush your teeth?"

"I am!" she exclaimed. 

"Having your toothbrush in your hand would make this more convincing, little butterfly." He bent one knee to get on her eye level. "Listen, I have to go, grandma is going to tuck you in tonight, I know I promised but … ."

"Are you going to say sorry to Jane?" 

"Yes."

"Okay, tell her she has to come back to look at the picture of the Normandy."

"I will, and all three of us will talk some more, I promise." No matter what happened tonight, he would not cut Jane out of Amanda's life.

"Night, Daddy!"

He pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Good night little butterfly."

"Do the sizzle," Amanda demanded.

Kaidan let a spark of biotic energy dance on the tip of his finger and Amanda touched it with a delighted giggle. She had always loved to do that, as early as when she got aware of her own fingers.

Kaidan kissed her forehead again and ran out, not even bothering to close his boots correctly. He had to find Jane, right now, nothing had ever been this urgent. The countryside and the city blurred past him and before his jumbled thoughts had caught up with him, he was at the spaceport in front of the Normandy. 

The creepy AI informed him that Shepard was not on board and that she had no knowledge of her whereabouts. 

"That's a lie, I know it's a lie," Kaidan said. "Are AI even allowed to lie?"

There was a pause before the EDI's pleasant voice returned, "I have certain liberties. And I am at liberty to say that Shepard is not on board the Normandy. But she has informed me that she doesn't wish to be contacted and I feel obligated to respect that." 

"I swear I have seen a movie where that was the start of humanity's downfall," Kaidan grumbled to himself.

"I can assure you, Major Alenko, that humanity's downfall is not my intent. It is rather low on my list of priorities." There was another pause. "That was a joke."

"I'm so glad," Kaidan bit out and turned to go.

"Major Alenko?"

He looked back to the Normandy's entry. "Yes?"

"The state of your boots is a health and security hazard. It could be quite dangerous if you tripped over them on your way to the corner of Water Street and Cambie Street to meet Lieutenant Vega."

"Is that so?" Kaidan said, bending down to clip up his boots. "You think I want to meet Vega?"

"According to my observations, many crewmen consider him enjoyable company." 

_An AI should not have such a smug tone to her voice._

"Thank you EDI."

"You're welcome, Major, logging you out."

He shook his head and contacted James Vega over his omni-tool.

"Major Alenko, what can I do for you?" came over Kaidan's ear-implant. 

"Where are you, where's Shepard?"

"Why would I know where Lola is?"

Kaidan jumped into his skycar and put in the address that EDI had mentioned. "Cause it's your job to know where she is and even if it wasn't, you would still know it."

"You got that right, L2." James chuckled a bit. "We're at a bar in Vancouver."

"A bar?" Kaidan looked around in disbelieve, the city didn't even have power, most of the buildings were destroyed. 

"You gotta hand it to the canadians, they take their drinking seriously. You will always find a place for a beer or a whisky here."

"Shepard is out drinking with you?"

James hesitated to answer and by the change of background noise he seemed to move to another part of the bar. "No she isn't and that's the scary bit. Lola's been sitting here, looking at the same glass of whisky for the last half hour and hasn't touched it at all."

"I'm coming to your position, don't let her go away." Kaidan sped up the car, lucky for him the streets were mostly empty. 

"Now L2, I'm not sure that's cool. If you're the reason that she's sitting here, trying to hypnotize that whisky, I wonder if I should introduce you to my abuela's frying pan first." 

"I come in peace, honestly." 

James chuckled just a tiny a bit menacing in his ear. "We'll see, L2, we'll see."

The bar had at one point really been a bar. The back of the house was still standing but the front was gone, leaving the building open like a dissected carcass. A tent had been setup to lean against the back wall and a generator was humming at the side. Someone had strung up christmas lights inside the tent, they made colorful glowing spots against the tarp.

Kaidan entered the tent and looked around. The room was packed, people needed a break and a little happiness among all the destruction and a bar was where canadians gathered for that. He apologized towards the people he bumped into and made his way through the crowd to the bar. The actual bar and the barstools had miraculously survived the Reaper attack and on one of them he spotted Shepard sitting, James hovering at her side.

James saw him and came towards him. "L2," he said in greeting. He stepped to the side to let him through but stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I hope for your sake that you fix this." He let go and took position a few steps down at the bar.

Kaidan slid into the empty room that James massive frame had left behind. Shepard had her elbows on the bar, her arms crossed in front of her and her chin on her hands. She stared at a small glass with golden liquid; water had pooled on the table around the glass. Her head turned for a heartbeat before she rested it on her hands again.

"Hey, Shepard," he said.

"Hey Kaidan," she said and he had to lean over to hear her speak. 

"Why are you staring at your whisky?"

"My new and improved metabolism filters out all toxins, including alcohol. I was literally poisoned once and still got up and kicked that guy's ass. Drinking the whisky really has no point but I like the smell of it."

Kaidan took a breath and put a hand on her shoulder. "Could we talk outside, please?"

Shepard nodded and gave up her seat. She had to push through the crowd and it was fascinating to see how her natural authority made people move out of her way. Outside the air had gotten chilly but it was more quiet. Shepard stopped outside the tent where the pool of light from the bar still hit her shoes. She looked at her feet, her hands opening and closing at her sides.

Kaidan desperately searched for the words that would make this right again. He couldn't lose her, not again, not to words and ideas that could not -- should not -- apply to them. 

"Shepard, I'm sorry," he said, the words feeling pathetic in his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like that," Shepard said, still looking down.

"I just ..., I tried to be rational, I thought we shouldn't rush things and... ,"

She finally looked up and her eyes made him swallow his words. "Kaidan, let me. As the person who always yells at the screen that people should just fucking say what they mean -- let me say what I mean."

She breathed in and looked at some point in the distance, somewhere in the dark city that should have been full of glittering lights. "I know that things are different for you, more time passed for you, you thought I was dead, you thought I was a traitor... ."

"Shepard, I ... ."

"No, let me say this, please. I know I can't make you feel or believe something, I understand what you mean with going slow, that it could possibly not work out, I understand all that on a rational level but... ," she wrapped her arms around herself, still not looking into his eyes. "Kaidan, for me, there is no other possibility but you and me. I know it's not rational, it's not sensible, it might be ridiculous but -- " she finally looked at him, "-- no one else, never. No one else but you and Amanda. I don't care what it takes, I'll wait as long as you both need."

Kaidan's heart was burning up and wanted to explode. He took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her. "God, Shepard, Jane!" he said, his voice muffled by her neck, "I don't want to wait, I don't want to be sensible. I just want you, share my life with you, be a family." He pulled back to look at her. "I love you Jane."

"I love you too," she whispered and kissed him. It amazed him how perfectly her lips fit to his, how perfect she felt, smelled and tasted. He wanted to feel her like this for the rest of his life.

He let go of her and looked into her eyes. He knew what he had to do, he had never been so sure of anything in his life. He took her hand to his lips. "Jane, will you marry me? I don't have a ring, I didn't exactly plan this but ..." He held her hand lower, spreading her fingers apart, and let a tendril of blue biotic energy dance from his fingertip so that it wrapped around her ring finger.

Jane gasped, staring at the blue waves of biotic energy twirling around her finger. "Yes, yes, I will marry you, yes," she said and her eyes sparkled of tears. "I love you so much."

The blue swirl disappeared and they moved at the same time, their lips crashing together harder than they both had intended. They laughed as their teeth clanked against each other, swallowing the others breath and giggles. Until Shepard suddenly froze.

"Are we going to tell Amanda?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Of course, she needs to get to know her mother," he said, putting another kiss on her lips. 

Shepard's eyes got even wider. "Oh god, I'm going to be a mother!"

Kaidan grinned, "You already are a mother."

"But not like that, not like... ," she stared at him, "we are going to be a family!"

"Yes, we will."

"Oh hell, that's the scariest thing I've ever done," Shepard said, pressing her hand over her mouth.

Kaidan laughed and shook his head, "I highly doubt that." He pulled her into a hug.

"Yes it is. Fighting Reapers and geth? Easy. But this?" She pulled back to look at him again and grinned. "Maybe I should think about it some more."

"Sorry, can't accept that," Kaidan said and pulled up her hand to kiss her knuckles. "I heard you say yes and now you're stuck with me."

Shepard placed a soft kiss on his lips, letting them rest against hers as she spoke. "I wouldn't want it any other way." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I promised smut and I deliver. Sex in this chapter, penis and vagina mentioned. You have been warned.
> 
> Thanks to tlcinbflo.tumblr.com and thatwriternamedvolk.tumblr.com for beta reading and editing. Kaidan's tattoo was inspired by vorchagirl.tumblr.com. Images by masseffectscreenarchery.tumblr.com, posted with permission.

Screenshots by [@masseffectscreenarchery](http://masseffectscreenarchery.tumblr.com/), posted with permission 

 

Kaidan stopped the car in front of the house and once again wiped his hand on his pants. Why did he always get so nervous when he brought Shepard here, to his and his parent's house? Oh right, because of _that_.

He looked at Shepard's hand in her lap, the thin, silver band on her finger shimmering in the light of the moon. A narrow line glowed blue along the center of the ring, replicating the glow of his biotic ring he had generated for his proposal.

They were engaged now, sort of, and every day for the last six weeks he had had to remind himself of this fact. It just seemed too good to be true. He had told his parents but he hadn't told Amanda yet.

Granted, Shepard and he had been away on missions during those weeks on their respective ships and had not seen each other in person. They had made it a habit that she would call him over the vid-feeds before she went to bed at night and he would call her when he got up for his morning. Their day-night cycles hardly ever aligned but her night call and his morning call brought a wonderful structure to their days.

Sometimes their talks turned into informal briefings as Shepard relayed her trouble with the ambassadors of the other species but most of the time they tried to keep the war missions out of their conversation. It was difficult to do; her life was pretty much singularly focused on the war. Kaidan made a point of shifting their conversations to different things. They talked about Amanda a lot and one time even managed to arrange a three way vid-call with their little girl. The happiness he felt when he saw Amanda and Shepard giggle with each other was almost painful.

Now, after weeks of running all over the galaxy, they finally managed to find a slip of time where they could both be on Earth together. He had picked her up at the spaceport and took her to one of the small cantinas that had sprung up on every corner in Vancouver for a coffee. He wanted to give her a break, she looked so tired. She also looked painfully thin; his mother would probably force feed her when she saw her.

He had taken her home now and he felt like a teenager on his third date. Was it their third date? Was the third date even still _the_ date where _it_ happened nowadays?

Shepard's hand was suddenly on his. "Relax, Kaidan." She grinned knowingly at him. "I know this is officially our sex-date," her grin got even wider, "but really, don't make this such a huge thing. As far as I know, we've already had sex, I seem to remember it to have been pretty amazing actually."

"Pretty spectacular if I remember right. Great, now I have to live up to that memory." He grinned at her smugly but something passed over her face that made him turn to her. He stroked over her cheek with the back of one finger. "What is it?"

"You're not the only one with that problem, the pressure, you know." She leaned her head back. "This body is not like the one you met before Ilos. And I don't mean that metaphorically. Half of me is cybernetics, the sensitivity of my skin is out of whack, my inner plumbing... I don't know, I mean I know my clitoris works but maybe the surroundings are not quite like you remember."

Kaidan choked on a mistaken breath and stared at her. "I.., I'm sure we... I don't know if I should admit how much I thought about you and your... inner plumbing in the last few years."

"Not even if I tell you how many times I thought of you when I—"

"God, fuck, stop. I can't go inside and face my mother thinking about this!" Even the idea that she thought of him when she — he was getting hard, he had to stop this if he didn't want to face his mother with an erection bulging his pants.

Shepard laughed out. "Sorry. I just... we don't have to have sex today is what I wanted to say. I'll be perfectly fine with falling asleep on your couch while we watch a movie with Amanda." She hid a yawn behind her hand. "Honestly, that would be like a spa day for me."

Kaidan leaned over and tilted her face towards him with a finger under her chin. "You shall have your spa day and then—"

" — we'll just see what happens," she finished his sentence. She leaned forward and caught his lips in a kiss.

Time fell away as they kissed, soft and hesitant at first and then with increasing hunger and need. Her hands dug into his hair, pulling him closer. His hands roamed over her back, desperate for contact and he longed to feel her body against his.

He twisted his body as much as he could but at some point they both had to stop and admit that the front of the skycar was not suitable for their make-out session. Shepard laughed and stretched her neck. "Ouch, I think I pulled a muscle back there."

"And you said we should wait," Kaidan murmured, smiling at her. Something flitted over her face before she smiled back. He looked more closely, trying to see through that well formed mask she could put on her face. "Hey, don't be Commander Shepard now, talk to me. Do you not want to be intimate tonight?"

Shepard looked at him, her Commander Shepard mask melting away. "I'm not... this body is not..."

Kaidan put his hand under her chin, softly stroking her jawline with his thumb. "Then I will get to know this new body even better than the old one."

Shepard let out a sigh and he could see her shoulders relaxing. "That sounds good." She shook her head. "I'm sorry for all this doom and gloom."

"Hey, it's alright, you're under a lot of pressure and we haven't really had time for each other. Nothing has to happen tonight. We're taking it step by step." He looked over to the house. "But we better go inside now, before my mother sends out a search party."

*~~~*

His mother greeted them at the door, beaming at Shepard.

"Come in Jane, come in," she called out in greeting and looked her up and down. Her smile turned into a scowl. "Are they not feeding you on the Normandy?"

Shepard gave her a weak smile. "I'm always so busy."

Greta shook her head and hardly gave Shepard the time to take off her boots before pulling her into the dining room. Kaidan recognised his dad's cooking by the mouth-watering smell when they entered.

"Jane!" Amanda stormed down the stairs and flung herself at Shepard, who was probabĺy saved from being knocked down back by the impact due to her combat training.

"Amanda," Kaidan said, "you can't just jump on people like that. You're getting to be a big girl now.”

Amanda showed an impressive pout but she apologised. She wanted to drag Jane into her room right away but her grandmother stopped her.

"First we eat, then you can show Jane your new drawings."

Dinner turned out to be a pleasant affair and Kaidan could see Shepard begin to relax. His mother was doting on her and his father couldn't hear enough of the Normandy. Shepard spared them the gruesome realities of the war and instead told them stories of the time when the krogan Grunt had his first glass of Ryncol or when EDI had experimented with the communications system and broadcasted terrible music for an hour.

Finally, after Amanda had taken the empty casserole bowl and wiped it clean with her finger, Shepard leaned back, announcing that she couldn't possibly eat another bite.

"But we have ice-cream!" Amanda called out, pointing a greasy finger towards the kitchen. "Do you like ice-cream?"

"Everybody likes ice-cream," Shepard said very seriously, which earned her an equally serious nod from Amanda.

"Little greasy monsters don't get ice-cream until they wash their hands," Greta announced and Amanda hurried to the sink. Greta turned to Kaidan. "You three can take the dessert upstairs with you."

"Mom, we can— "

"Sshh," his mother gave him a stern look. "You're not here to spend the evening with your old parents and it's close to Amanda's bed-time anyway. Have some family time with Amanda and then send her to bed. After that, well, I'm sure you don't need me to draw you a picture."

"Mom!"

"Off you go now!" She shoved the ice-cream container in his arms and Kaidan was sure if she had had a broom at hand, she would have chased him upstairs with it.

Amanda bolted out of the bathroom, her sprint expertly caught and redirected by Greta, who was already ushering Shepard upstairs. "You'll have ice-cream with your Dad and Jane upstairs and then it's time for bed."

"I don't wanna go to bed!" Amanda cried out.

Kaidan ignored her and took Jane's arm. "My lady? May I lead you to your spa couch?"

Shepard laughed out. "Yes, thank you." She turned to his parents. "Greta, Marcus, thank you for a wonderful dinner."

"It was our pleasure," Greta said with a beaming smile. "And we hope to see you again tomorrow morning." She turned and pulled her snickering husband into the living room as Jane turned deep red.

"Did your mother just...?"

Kaidan hid his face in his hand. "Yes, she did. My mother made it very clear that she expects me to treat you well tonight."

Shepard grinned at him. "Well, better get to it, LT."

Kaidan took a step up to stand above her and smiled down at her. "It's Major now." He bowed down and kissed her, tracing her jaw with his thumb.

"Well, major," she said when he pulled back. "You're off to a good start."

A sound from upstairs made Kaidan perk up. "Where's Amanda?"

"She took the ice-cream and went upstairs," Shepard said.

"Oh." Kaidan hurried up into his living room to find Amanda busy scooping ice-cream into the largest cereal bowls they had.

"Daddy, wait, it's a surprise."

Kaidan looked into the almost empty container and then at the piles of ice-cream in the bowls. "Yes, it is quite a surprise," he said, rubbing his neck. Amanda had also added a generous amount of chocolate sauce to the bowls and the couch table. The sauce made a good base for the crunchy hazelnut sprinkles that Amanda put on top. Half of it seemed to have gone on the table as well.

"Yes, well..." He sighed. "We have to do a bit of cleaning up now, little butterfly. And I'm not sure we can eat all that just after dinner."

"I'll eat all of it!" Amanda announced.

"I'll help you," Shepard said from the door, a bunch of paper towels and a mini vacuum in her hands. She grinned and gave Amanda a paper towel to wipe her hands.

They cleaned the table together and finally settled down on the couch with their big bowls of ice-cream. Amanda picked an episode of her favorite show to watch and agreed to go to bed after it. She sat between them and Jane tied a towel around her neck that got plenty of use from dripping chocolate sauce as Amanda forgot to eat as she watched.

Kaidan leaned over to remind her of her dripping spoon when he noticed that Shepard's bowl was dipping at a dangerous angle on her lap. She had fallen asleep. Kaidan took the bowl and spoon out of her hands without waking her up.

Amanda whispered in his ear, "She's asleep?"

"Yes."

"Doesn't she like my ice-cream?"

Kaidan shook his head. "I'm sure she loves it but she is very tired. She has so much to do every day."

"Can't somebody help her?" Her own ice-cream was all but forgotten as she cuddled up against him to keep on whispering in his ear, loud enough for anybody to hear. But Shepard kept on sleeping which was a testament to her exhaustion.

"You're right, she needs more help. I'm going to take care of that."

"Okay daddy", Amanda whispered and yawned.

Kaidan gathered the ice-cream bowls in his hands, balancing one on his arm. "Tell you what, we put these in the freezer and eat them tomorrow. You go to bed real quietly and I'm gonna make it more comfortable here for Jane to sleep."

Amanda crawled off the couch and followed him out of the living room. "Can we eat the ice-cream for breakfast?"

"We'll see, okay? Maybe grandma and granddad have other plans."

"I wanna eat my ice-cream for breakfast."

"Okay, little butterfly, you can have at least some ice-cream tomorrow morning but -- " he raised his finger and made sure that Amanda was watching him " -- only if you go to bed now without a fuss."

Amanda nodded and ran towards the bathroom. By the time Kaidan had put the bowls in the freezer, she had already brushed her teeth and was putting on her pyjama. Kaidan was sure that she didn't brush for the whole three minutes like she was supposed to but he let it slide for the night.

Usually he would read Amanda a story for the night but he cut it short and explained to her that he didn't want Shepard to be alone for so long.

"That's okay, Dad, I can read it myself," his little girl said. She began to read the book aloud. It took Kaidan a moment to realize that she couldn't really read but just knew the whole book by heart.

"Good night, my little butterfly, sleep well."

"Good night, daddy." Amanda gave him a kiss and then returned to her book. He was almost out of the door when she called him back.

"Dad?"

"What is it?"

"You should bring Jane to sleep in your bed, she shouldn't sleep on the couch like a guest."

Kaidan froze. "Why do you think that?"

Amanda yawned and turned off her reading light, cuddling up in her blanket. Her voice was sleepy when she continued, "Uncle Steve sleeps on couch but Jane is not like Uncle Steve. She should sleep in the bed."

Kaidan swallowed hard against the tears that were rising up in his eyes. "Ok, little butterfly, I see what I can do."

"Say goodnight to Jane from me, dad."

"Yes, I will," Kaidan said, his voice hoarse from emotions. Whatever Amanda thought of Jane Shepard, she knew that she was special.

He returned to the small living room. Jane was splayed out over the backrest, her legs dangling down at an awkward angle and all in all it didn't look very comfortable. He wondered if he should try to carry her over to the bed but he remembered she had told him that all her cybernetic enhancements had made her heavier. He probably couldn't do it with muscle power alone but maybe he could carry her with his biotics.

He normally avoided using his biotics in the house, the methods were designed for power and destruction and not small rooms full of breakable furniture and decorations. But in this case he had to make an exception.

He knelt down beside her and folded her legs up and wrapped her arms around herself. He arranged his arms under her neck and legs and concentrated on lifting her weight with his biotics. He had to be careful, the same power that would lift her could also crush her.

Enveloped by the blue glow of his biotics, he stood up, bringing Shepard's body up with him. She stirred but didn't wake as he made his way over to the bedroom, avoiding furniture and praying that he wouldn't step on any stray Lego.

He made it to the bed without trouble and laid her down with a relieved sigh. She stretched out in her sleep and rolled to the side before he managed to pull the covers from under her. Still, she was on the bed and he could find another blanket to cover her. At least she now looked much more comfortable sleeping.

He did his short routine in the bathroom for the night and when he returned to the bedroom, he wondered if he should undress her. At least she wasn't wearing her boots anymore but her pants looked tight -- _yeah_ he had to look away for a moment because those jeans were stretching over her ass in an almost obscene way.

With a deep breath he started to methodically take off her jeans, stomping down on any and all feelings this act wanted to stir in him. He slowly turned her on her back to pull the jeans down. She sighed and he froze, sure that he had woken her. She kept on sleeping, which encouraged him in letting her get a good night's rest for once. He may have dreamed of doing different things in bed with Jane for quite some time but he would be perfectly happy just to have her here without anything else happening.

Now that the jeans was gone, he covered her with another blanket and slid under the covers on the other side of the bed. She rolled to the side again, snuggling the blanket to her chin just like Amanda always did. He turned off the lights and let his eyes adjust to the lights from the hallway. He always kept his bedroom door open so that he would hear if Amanda woke. A dim light shone in the hallway so she wouldn't wake to total darkness.

He watched Jane sleep, looking relaxed for once. Such an enormous pressure was resting on her, the whole galaxy weighing down on her shoulders. He saw the exhaustion in her face every time they spoke and now was the first time she looked peaceful. She was breathing deeply. Kaidan felt his own breathing adjust to her rhythm and soon his eyes were drooping.

He woke up with a start, unsure what had woken him. When he looked over to Shepard, her eyes were open, watching him.

"Hey," he said, his voice rough from sleeping, "are you alright?"

"Yes," Shepard whispered, "are you? You were dreaming."

"I dreamt I...," he stared into her eyes, his mind grasping at fleeting images of the dream.

"It's gone?"

"Yeah."

"Happens to me too, I hardly ever remember my dreams. You looked... ," she studied his face, "you looked worried." She untangled a hand from under the blanket and raked her fingers through his hair. Her hand came to rest on his cheek, feeling a bit cooler than himself. "Why am I above the covers and you underneath? And how did we get here?"

"I carried you."

She lifted her head in surprise. "Really? I'm heavy."

He grinned. "Biotics. Carried you over like a cargo box."

She giggled and let her head fall back on the pillow. "How charming."

Kaidan yawned and fought the sleepiness that tried to pull him back down. "Couldn't get you under the covers. You snuggled into them as soon as I put you down."

"Do you mind if I join you under the covers now?" she asked with a grin.

"Definitely not," Kaidan hurried to say. He was much more awake all of a sudden.

Shepard got up and took her hoodie off and slid under the cover. She looked at him, her face half buried in the pillow and grinned invitingly.

Kaidan leaned over and caught her mouth in a soft kiss. She opened her lips for him with a sigh, her tongue dipping forward and he got lost in the wave of emotion overcoming him as he felt, tasted and smelled her. He had kissed her many times by now but it was still new and overwhelming every single time.

As they broke apart to catch a breath, he tentatively slid his hand towards her under the cover and smiled at her. "Now that you're here..."

"Yes?" she said and her own hand came up to his face.

"Would you mind if I checked out that new body of yours?"

Shepard's cheeks turned rosy. "Oh, yes, I wouldn't mind... at all." She snickered and hid her face in the pillow. "Damnit", she cursed, her voice muffled from the pillow.

"What?"

She turned to him and made a face. "I hate it when I'm blushing. Like I'm some kind of shy schoolgirl."

Kaidan grinned. "It probably doesn't help if I say that it makes you look adorable?"

"Ugh," she buried her face in her pillow again and Kaidan snickered. He scooted closer to her and placed his hand on her hip. He softly stroked over her hipbone with his thumb until she turned to him and he could see the heat in her eyes.

He let his hand wander upwards, slipping his fingers under the hem of her shirt. Her skin felt soft under his hands despite the skin weave she was supposed to have. For a moment, scientific curiosity overcame him and he felt for the honeycombed pattern under her epidermis but it was too subtle to notice.

He looked up to Shepard's face and her hungry look brought him back to the present. "Your skin feels just as soft as I remember it," he said and was delighted to see how she smiled now. He continued his exploration, feeling the strong muscles over her ribs. "This section also seems to be just like I — "

She squirmed and giggled under his touch.

"Oh yes, I remember this," Kaidan said. "You were ticklish there, back then." He became more bold now, placing his hand on her breast and letting his thumb search for her nipple. She gasped but didn't turn away from the touch. Quite the opposite, she was arching her back, pressing against his hand.

He moved closer to her, wanting to feel her body against his. She seemed to have the same idea, moving closer and wrapping herself around him as if she tried to meld her body with his. He found himself trapped between her legs and she was kissing up his neck towards his jawline. A shudder went through him and he caught her mouth in a kiss.

She rolled herself on top of him, catching her weight on her elbows. He huffed, acting like she was crushing him. She grinned down at him. "You alright there, LT?"

He called on his biotics and marveled at the blue glow reflecting in her eyes. He made a short push, just enough to hold against her weight and she gasped in surprise. "Huh, that feels... wow... ," she sighed.

"You like that?"

She nodded.

He let a biotic spark dance from his finger to her nipple and a squeak that turned into a gasp was his reward. "Well, if you like that," he growled low, "you should really remember that it's Major now."

A dangerous spark glinted in her eyes and he felt his heart skip a beat.

Her voice was hoarse when she said, "Yes, Major, of course," and it sent shivers down his spine. She gave him a wicked grin. "I would like to know, Major, what else you can do with those sparks."

He pulled her towards him, kissing her, hungry, desperate, as if his life depended on touching her.

There was a rustling at the door and Shepard slid off him and to the side of the bed with cat-like reflexes so fast, that he almost rolled off his side.

"Daddy, I had a bad dream," Amanda said at the door. She clutched a fluffy stuffed owl to her chest and hid her face in it.

Kaidan scrambled to pile the blanket and the cover over his erection and sat up. "It's alright, honey, come here."

Amanda smiled and crawled right onto the bed to settle down between him and Shepard. "Hello Jane," Amanda whispered as she slipped under the cover.

"Hey Amanda, you had a bad dream?" Shepard said with a gentle smile.

"Uh huh. It was _reawlly_ scary." She turned to Kaidan. "Can I sleep here, Dad?"

"Honey, I..." Kaidan normally never denied her a request like that but he had slightly different plans tonight.

"You want to sleep here between us?" Shepard asked. She was stroking over Amanda's hair and she looked at her with such a wonder that Kaidan forgot everything he wanted to say in objection.

"Yes." Amanda smiled at her and snuggled her stuffed toy close to her face. She closed her eyes and pretended to sleep right away.

"Okay, sweet dreams, Amanda," Jane said and gave her a small kiss on her hair.

Kaidan sighed. "Sleep, little butterfly," he said and laid down on his pillow. He looked over his daughter’s head to Jane and his heart wanted to jump out of his chest. She looked at Amanda like she was the most precious thing she had ever seen. Jane raised her eyes to him and he could see that they glittered with tears.

She put her hand on Amanda's side and he placed his own on top of it. Soon, their daughter's breathing evened out for real and he knew that she was fast asleep.

Kaidan wondered if Jane had fallen asleep as well but then she raised her head and looked at him with a mischievous sparkle.

She whispered, "Do you think we could sneak away?"

He leaned over to see Amanda's face and checked her breathing. "Yeah, I think she's fine now." He tugged the cover against her back to give her the feeling of safety of a person sleeping at her back. It always made him feel a bit guilty, like he was cheating, but he had done it before when he had to answer a call or work a bit at his desk.

He slid off the bed and tiptoed towards the door, hearing Jane following behind him. Out of the room, she took his hand and followed him as he guided them through the dim light of the hallway lamp. He brought her into the pitch dark living room and thumped the wall button to have the door close and lock.

The moment the lock clicked into place, Jane jumped and kissed him. His back crashed against the door and she rubbed her hip against his in the most enticing way. He groaned and kissed her back, their teeth clacking as they devoured each other. Her tongue slid against his in a dance that he remembered so well. Her kisses had always felt like coming home for him, like he had finally found what he had been searching for for all his life.

She left his lips and kissed along his jawline while her hands found the hem of his shirt. Her hands slid up his sides towards his shoulder blades as she placed kisses on his neck, her breath tickling on his throat. She kept moving her hips, rubbing against his growing erection. One of her hands sneaked down to the front of his boxers and she began stroking him through the thin fabric.

He sucked in air through his teeth. "Damn, Jane, are you in a hurry?"

"Kind of?" Jane said and pushed up his shirt. "Not that Amanda wakes up again and, you know... I'm very much hot and bothered right now and I'd rather not stop." She bent down to kiss his chest but came up again to look at him. "I also want to say that I'm, well, clean and with a certified working implant." She grinned and bent down to flick the tip of her tongue over his nipple.

He gasped, his hands searching for something to hold onto as he pressed his back against the door. She pushed his shirt further up and made a surprised sound.

"This is new," she said, tracing the tattoo on his chest with her fingertip. "That's the original Normandy." She looked closer at the decorative swirls and planets in the background of the tattoo. He was sure that she noticed the numbers that had been worked into the design, indicating significant dates. She looked up to him, her eyes bright with a question she didn't ask, yet. Instead she placed a kiss on the tattoo and kissed her way down to his nipple.

Kaidan raked through her hair, fighting the urge to pull her up again so that he could feel the whole length of her body on his. He twisted his hips and pressed his thigh between her legs as she sucked on the sensitive spot his nipple. Heatwaves rolled through him, the touch of her lips igniting a fire within. Then she kissed a path down to his stomach, going down on her knees until she was right on eye level with his penis making a tent in his shorts. He held his breath as he watched her pulling the underwear down, cool air making him twitch. She grinned at him before licking up along his length.

The sensation of being touched by raw energy shot through him. He threw his head back and moaned. "Fuck, Jane." She kept licking around the head, softly pressing the tip of her tongue into the slit. Her hand cupped his balls, applying the gentlest of pressures. And then she took him into her mouth. His knees almost buckled from the wave of pleasure.

"Ok, you're incredible," he huffed as she sucked, moving her head up and down, "but the idea was —" he groaned again, lost in the feeling of her warmth around him "-- that I explore your body and not the other way around."

She let go of him with a pop and he immediately missed the contact. The look she gave him showed the same kind of nervousness he had seen in the car before.

She wore a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "You want me to stop? "

"Not something I ever imagined myself saying." He put a hand under her chin and gently pulled her up. "But I want to touch you, to see and feel and taste all of you."

"But I..."

"Relax," he murmured. "This is about you."

She stood up, following the soft pull of his fingers under her chin. He pulled her face close to kiss her, nibbling on her lips. His own taste was on her lips and he moaned into her mouth as heat pooled low in his body.

He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her. "The couch."

She walked backwards, letting him stir her until her calves hit the sofa and she fell backwards on the cushions.

"Oof." She laughed out. "Ok I'm sitting, now what?"

"Take your clothes off." He tried to take the edge off his order by making it a question but he kind of liked ordering her like that.

She gave him a provocative grin. "What about you?"

Kaidan pulled the shirt over his head and slipped his shorts down with a swift move. "Done."

She grinned and pulled her shirt up. Her bra was next and with a quick lift of her butt, her underwear disappeared somewhere. She stretched out, letting her head fall on the backrest and he didn't have to pretend that just looking at all of her like that took his breath away.

"You're so beautiful," he said, nudging her legs apart as he kneeled down between them. He could see in the tight line of her lips that she didn't believe him. "Really, you are."

"I'm glowing red from the inside like some Christmas decoration," she said through clenched teeth.

"And I'm glowing blue sometimes." He stroked over her side, just above her waist, deliberately going over the red glowing gaps in her skin. "Jane, I've lost you before and all I had was a memory. You're back here with me now and you look and feel like you and whatever has changed about your body is marginal compared to the fleeting wisps of a memory. You are you, you are right just the way you are and I love you. And I will love you no matter what happens to your body."

She leaned forward, taking his head in her hands. "Kaidan," she whispered and her voice sounded wet from unspilled tears. She kissed him and it felt like she was trying to devour him, to take in all of him. "I love you, I love you so much," she said as she finally broke away.

He pressed his forehead against hers. "And I love you. Now, can you please let me love your body too?"

There were tears glittering in her eyes when she whispered, "Yes" and he couldn't help but growl possessively as he surged against her and kissed her again. He moved from her mouth along her jawline to her neck, kissing her and revelling in her body answering to his touch. Soft moans left her mouth, especially when he kissed her neck. She writhed, her body searching for contact with his.

He peppered kisses down her chest, stopping shortly at her nipple, putting some extra care into circling it and kissing it before he moved to the other and did the same. His hands were exploring every bit of exposed skin, he couldn't get enough of feeling her. And she was so wonderfully responsive. A soft slide under her breast, a kiss on her shoulder, every touch had her shiver and moan. He wondered how starved she had to have been for contact. Had she been alone all this time, deprived of hands and lips touching her lovingly like she deserved?

Her hands were in his hair but they slipped away as he traveled further down, kissing her stomach. He looked up to her. "Put your hands behind your head. Just relax, let me do this for you," he said and waited for her to comply. He continued his exploration down her stomach, her muscles twitching under his lips. He reached the hair on her mound and breathed in her scent. Stroking over her thighs, he drew slow circles on her skin, moving closer to the apex of her thighs with every stroke. She squirmed under his touch, her hips bucking.

Wetting his finger in his mouth he looked at her face as he circled around her clitoris. Her gasp was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

"You have no idea how much I have thought about this, about doing this with you," he murmured. He kept circling around her clitoris, almost but not quite touching it, he could feel her shake from the tension. "You deserve so much and I want to try to give it all to you."

She whimpered, angling her hips to invite him towards her core but he purposefully kept avoiding it. A frustrated growl came from her. "Then touch me, damnit," she said through clenched teeth.

Kaidan grinned and scooted lower, placing kisses on her inner thigh. "Touch you?" He murmured against her skin. "Here maybe?" he said as he kissed the soft skin between her legs. "Or here?" He kissed her mound, letting his breath flow over her sensitive labia lips.

"Kaidan!" she called out, desperate, almost angry.

"Yes, love?" He hovered just over her clitoris and she squirmed in anticipation.

"Kaidan, I..."

He didn't let her finish, descending on her sensitive nub with soft kisses and strokes of his tongue that had her writhe and gasp in pleasure.

"Let me hear you, love," he mumbled between strokes and was rewarded with loud moans from her. He varied his strokes from long laps to short flickers over her clit and let one finger slip inside her vagina.

Her back arched, her ass lifting off the couch and he could feel her inner walls pulse under his touch. Seeing and feeling her like that made him desire her even more and his own erection was bordering on painful hardness. But he could wait.

"Yes, yes!" she huffed, her hands fisting into the couch cover.

He doubled his efforts, licking her clit, crooking his finger as he softly rubbed her and when he felt her still, tension vibrating through her like a tight spring, he sucked on her clitoris. She came with a halted breath, and he had to hold her hips so that she wouldn't slip away from him. He could feel her inner walls contracting and he lapped up her juices like the greatest gift.

He kept on licking her until the tension left her. When she twisted her hip away from his touch, he got up and settled down next to her on the couch, pulling her towards him. She looked up and it was like a wake-up call.

She climbed on top of him, straddling him and kissed him, devouring him, hungry and urgent. Her whole body was moving, touching everything of him and he didn't even realize how she did it but he was suddenly inside of her and she was thrusting, fucking herself on him.

He grunted as she picked up a fast pace. "I'm not gonna last if you keep going like that," he mumbled. She grinned and changed the angle, leaning forward so that her breasts pressed against his chest and slowed down. She undulated her hips in slow circles, taking him in deep.

She kept looking at him through her lashes, her eyes glinting with desire. He groaned as she moved even slower, every push from her a slow torture.

"You're killing me," he said.

She grinned and her hands played over his nipples. "Do you want me to go faster? Do you want me to fuck you harder?"

"Fuck, yes."

She stilled, lifting her hip so that he almost slipped out and waited. He bucked his hips but she moved with him, only his tip twitching in her slick heat. He was about to grab her hips to pull her down when she slammed down, taking him in as deep as she could. He moaned, his mind overwhelmed with the feeling of being inside of her. He grabbed her asscheeks to pull her even closer and she kept undulating her hips, fucking him.

She was relentless, thrusting and pumping, watching him the whole time, moaning and gasping as she rubbed herself on him, her fingers digging into his upper arms. He could feel her getting tighter, her inner walls pulsing around him and he clenched his teeth, fighting to delay his own satisfaction.

Her eyes were wide, staring at him and he could see the lust and desire until she threw her head back, her breath coming in gasps. She moved faster, erratic, and he could feel her getting tighter and then she came with a hoarse sigh and he thrust up into her contracting channel and came, hard, as she pulsed around him, his vision turning white and her soft moans all he could hear through the rushing in his ears.

She collapsed on top of him and slid to the side and they almost fell off the couch in a mess of sweat and boneless limbs. She snuggled up to his side, her fingers playing with the hair on his chest.

"That was pretty good, Major," she purred.

"Only pretty good?" he asked, twisting his neck to look at her. "I have to work harder next time."

Shepard chuckled. "I'm not sure even this cybernetically enhanced body could handle that."

He grinned and stroked over her hair, letting his eyes rest on the shadows that the moonlight made on the wall. When their breathing had evened out, he turned to her again. "Hey, you're okay?"

She stretched to look at him and yawned. "Just tired."

"How about we go back to the bed?"

"I wanted to ask you something," she said and her voice made him sit up to look at her.

"What is it?"

"That tattoo, I know it's the original Normandy but the designs on the planets, those are dates, right?" She traced the lines of the tattoo with her finger as she spoke, stopping at one of the dates. "This is the date when the Normandy was destroyed."

"When you died," he corrected. "I got the tattoo in memory of you."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I never wanted..."

"I know. You did what you had to do."

"What is this date?" She circled another planet, a newer part of the design.

"That's the birthdate the doctors calculated for Amanda. We can't be quite sure when she was born but that's the date when we get cake and she gets to blow out the candles."

She traced the design again. "I have to remember that date." Her finger went down to the third planet in the tattoo, the newest design. "What is this then?"

He hesitated. This part had been a spur of the moment, something he had done in a sense of anger. "When I saw you again with my own eyes, when I knew that you were alive."

"Horizon."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," he said and kissed her head. "There isn't exactly a load of advice out there how to react when you meet the formerly dead love of your life again but I could have handled that better."

"It was a unique situation." She placed a kiss on the tattoo. "You need a new planet on there now. And I need one too. With our wedding date."

He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.

"I love you too."

He pulled her closer into his arms and noticed that she shivered. "How about we go back in the bed?"

She smiled at him. "To our girl?"

"Yes, to our girl," he said, and just saying it made him feel warm with happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> This has been a nice venture into a pairing I usually don't write. Shenko may not be my main pairing but Kaidan is truly a sweetheart and I know he would be such a great father. I like to imagine him and Shepard and Amanda settling down after the war, healing their physical and psychological wounds and raising Amanda to become an amazing person and the next great ambassador for peace.
> 
> Thank you faithful readers


End file.
